I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
