yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
