I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
