everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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