I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
