I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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