btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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