she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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