it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
