I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
