So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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