Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
