Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
