Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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