You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
