so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
