this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
