My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
