I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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