I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
