All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
