My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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