Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
