I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
