Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
