Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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