I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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