he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize