ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
