i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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