he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
