how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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