I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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