So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
