I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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