Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
