So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
