If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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