if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
