As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Green mimosas i think yes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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