It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize