Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
