Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
