Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
