i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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