it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
