I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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