I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
