i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
two words...techno handjob
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
