her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
