I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
