have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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