I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
