My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
