i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
