I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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