Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
