he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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