so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
