yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
