he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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