Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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