I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
