my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
