I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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