Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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