Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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