States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
