and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
