We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
they need to just BURY HIM!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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