There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize