Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize